Worst Date, or: The Importance of Good Oral Hygiene

[This and subsequent posts  first appeared in my diary section on an online dating site.]

Dear Fellow Lookers for LoveA lot of the men on here seem to use the diary facility as a means of asking a Mum equivalent for life advice eg – do I wear a tie for an interview, Mum?. For God’s sake!! So I thought I would share a more relevant story of one of my most memorable dates ever…

Last summer I got chatting to a guy, lets call him Dave. He seemed reasonably intelligent and OK looking so we arranged to meet, and I gave him detailed instructions where to be….Well of course he failed that first test!

I had explained I didn’t want to have to look for him in a crowded pub, but would meet him by a bridge next to the pub….When he hadn’t shown ten minutes after our rendevous time, I phoned…and the first thing he said to me was ‘Are you in the pub?’…

I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere after that, but it was a beautiful summer’s evening at a pleasant riverside location so I thought I am not going to pass up the chance of a nice glass of rose and a hopefully nice chat…and well, I identified my date, and yes he was a few inches shorter than he had stated in his profile, but you know, that doesn’t really bother me, because (apparently) women lie about their age all the time, so men can have the height issue, fair enough. Anyway Dave was OK looking, but appeared to have some kind of rash (perhaps just eczma or other skin condition brought on by stress) but on first impressions was a pleasant enough bloke, bought me a drink, but as soon we sat down he started twitching and patting himself down.

Then I realised he was looking for his cigarettes and lighter in a fairly desperate fashion, but appeared to be too shy to ask if I minded him smoking…Anyway to put him out of his misery I said please go ahead, and at the same time I realised that when he smiled he didn’t smile properly, didn’t show his teeth, and I recalled in his profile picture he was doing the same…and then I understood why…As he smoked, laughed and finally relaxed I couldn’t take my eyes of the horrors of his mouth area – black gums, gaps where teeth should have been, teeth that were literally black, and where they weren’t black they were yellow…and oh god it was disgusting, but I was able to distract myself by looking past him to where ex cabinet minister Peter Hain MP happened to be sitting, enjoying a quiet pint.

Also my date smoked like his life depended on it – frantically sucking every last milligram of nicotine out of that roly, while constructing another one…Anyway I finished my drink, made my excuses and left. I had to be honest when Dave got in touch saying he felt our date was quite short, and perhaps we could meet again. I thought I was being blunt but kind by telling him his teeth and gums needed some attention, and even recommended a really good dentist/ orthodontic practice who I have spent a lot of money with, but who did a great job fixing my wonky teeth and subsequently improved my confidence and general peace of mind. Anyway the next thing I knew I had a message from the site saying Dave had blocked my profile! I just hope he has managed to find a soul mate to share his rolys with.


Please note I have also had some very good dates…these are for another day…

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