internet dating

Some thoughts about what some men want

And they’re not entirely positive.

I’m getting a bit Carrie Bradshaw now (minus the shoes and Cosmopolitans) but it was bound to happen.

Recently I was corresponding with someone who was quite complimentary about my writing, but had not uploaded a photo onto the dating site, and refused to email me one. He finally admitted that this was because he was already in a relationship but ‘looking for a get-out clause’. When I asked him why he didn’t just leave, to avoid unnecessary pain for his current partner, and also suggested he was selfish and too interested in home comforts, his shirty response was ‘…Have you been in many medium to ltr relationships?….There’s pain involved whichever road you take. Its easy to bang on about moral compass as those are just words. Life is many shades of grey.’. Prior to this indefensible statement he had complained that women only wanted to use him as a plaything between 9pm and 5am – but obviously hadn’t put two and two together.

I emailed him to ask whether he had considered that most women would take the attitude of ‘done it before, could do it again’, then blocked his profile. Annoying in a way because I had given him some helpful advice about feeding back on the shoddy care he had received in a local hospital  – but perhaps that will make him realise some of us are kindhearted, and practice what we preach.

Another recent experience involves someone perhaps a lot less calculating. A hospital worker in Suffolk who claimed to like cycling and hiking got in touch. But when I suggested meeting up on Saturday evening, he kept asking me if I was only available ‘for a few hours’, I asked him what he meant, but got the same question. I have to conclude he would only meet up if he was guaranteed a bit of nookie later on. What a creep! I should have suggested that the only way to guarantee that would be to pay for it, but I didn’t waste my breath.

On a slightly more positive note (or maybe hopeful) i have developed a new strategy to put rejection to good use. One nice seeming guy admitted he had just met someone away from the site (in real life!) and another guy said he had had a very nice first date just last night. So I have been suggesting they keep me in mind for any of their trusted friends who may be looking. After all I have been through the initial vetting process. Oh how clinical and soul-destroying it all is.

However I do have a provisional date with a marathon runner / table tennis champion lined up. His written English may not be perfect but something has to give.

And this weekend I have painting the living room to occupy me – don’t need anyone hanging around, getting in my way for that.



Worst Dates 2: or The Importance of Avoiding Mumbo Jumbo

It’s the worst case scenario: five minutes before you are due to meet someone for a first date you realise you have lost your cashpoint card, and only have £2.50 in your purse. But in this case it saved my bacon.

I texted my profuse apologies to my date, explaining that I would just have a juice (even though I was secretly in the mood for a gallon of wine and huge plate of steak and chips), and dashed round the corner to our rendevous point.

My date was recognisable, though he looked shorter, fatter and iller than his picture. I knew it wouldn’t be brilliant, but I thought I’d give him a chance to talk, and at least we could sit on the terrace and watch the riverside world go by.

After a minute or two I realised he only had one topic of conversation, and was incapable of, or uninterested in asking anything about me. I lost track after a while but his monologue included: chakras, tapping (?), healing, QiJong, masters, channelling your higher being, auras, being clinically dead through meditation, and going off to live in a cave for 50 years.

He didn’t pause for breath, or sip his drink, and I was getting desperate. But I must have been good in a previous life because the divine Shanti was helping me out tonight. ‘I have go home and phone the bank to cancel my card’. Dash.

When I got home, I measured up my sitting room for new carpets because I was so desperate to do something normal.



Worst Date, or: The Importance of Good Oral Hygiene

[This and subsequent posts  first appeared in my diary section on an online dating site.]

Dear Fellow Lookers for LoveA lot of the men on here seem to use the diary facility as a means of asking a Mum equivalent for life advice eg – do I wear a tie for an interview, Mum?. For God’s sake!! So I thought I would share a more relevant story of one of my most memorable dates ever…

Last summer I got chatting to a guy, lets call him Dave. He seemed reasonably intelligent and OK looking so we arranged to meet, and I gave him detailed instructions where to be….Well of course he failed that first test!

I had explained I didn’t want to have to look for him in a crowded pub, but would meet him by a bridge next to the pub….When he hadn’t shown ten minutes after our rendevous time, I phoned…and the first thing he said to me was ‘Are you in the pub?’…

I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere after that, but it was a beautiful summer’s evening at a pleasant riverside location so I thought I am not going to pass up the chance of a nice glass of rose and a hopefully nice chat…and well, I identified my date, and yes he was a few inches shorter than he had stated in his profile, but you know, that doesn’t really bother me, because (apparently) women lie about their age all the time, so men can have the height issue, fair enough. Anyway Dave was OK looking, but appeared to have some kind of rash (perhaps just eczma or other skin condition brought on by stress) but on first impressions was a pleasant enough bloke, bought me a drink, but as soon we sat down he started twitching and patting himself down.

Then I realised he was looking for his cigarettes and lighter in a fairly desperate fashion, but appeared to be too shy to ask if I minded him smoking…Anyway to put him out of his misery I said please go ahead, and at the same time I realised that when he smiled he didn’t smile properly, didn’t show his teeth, and I recalled in his profile picture he was doing the same…and then I understood why…As he smoked, laughed and finally relaxed I couldn’t take my eyes of the horrors of his mouth area – black gums, gaps where teeth should have been, teeth that were literally black, and where they weren’t black they were yellow…and oh god it was disgusting, but I was able to distract myself by looking past him to where ex cabinet minister Peter Hain MP happened to be sitting, enjoying a quiet pint.

Also my date smoked like his life depended on it – frantically sucking every last milligram of nicotine out of that roly, while constructing another one…Anyway I finished my drink, made my excuses and left. I had to be honest when Dave got in touch saying he felt our date was quite short, and perhaps we could meet again. I thought I was being blunt but kind by telling him his teeth and gums needed some attention, and even recommended a really good dentist/ orthodontic practice who I have spent a lot of money with, but who did a great job fixing my wonky teeth and subsequently improved my confidence and general peace of mind. Anyway the next thing I knew I had a message from the site saying Dave had blocked my profile! I just hope he has managed to find a soul mate to share his rolys with.


Please note I have also had some very good dates…these are for another day…